Finally, I guess, could be said of finishing this ring, as well as “finally” for jumping into art classes–not just metalwork, but general studies. I’m amazed at how just a bit of confidence and the right environment can make such a difference. I wanted to cry after my first class–I was so relieved! Yes, it is okay that you want to create. You can draw! This is exactly what you need to know to do what you need to do–of course you can make that.

I don’t share with many my Making–sometimes I feel like people want me in a particular category. A “safe” category so that they can be the ones to Make. Scientist or Librarian, not someone who Makes. Don’t we all do that in different situations when we need to establish safety when we’re feeling threatened? I hope I don’t verbalize my categorizations very often. It’s nothing against The Maker, just something we all need to deal with, right?

Anyway, I love silversmithing and I’ve found that I’m quite comfortable around an anvil, blowtorch and coping saw. I’ve also found that I could become very good at it. My teacher (and now friend) is wonderful. I felt so confident in class. My teacher told me when she first started art classes in her 20’s–no college education or prior training–she was so anxiety-ridden she would physically place herself as far away as possible from the other students. Students who went through “proper” training in high school. Non-traditionally aged students who had been drawing all their life. Her teacher asked her why she sat so far away. In tears, she responded that she couldn’t, just couldn’t. The teacher’s response? “Oh, but you are doing so well! And you’re a blank slate for me. I can train you from scratch,” basically saying, this is just as marvelous for me. Let’s make it really marvelous together, shall we?

That is how I felt in metal smithing class. And it was my very own, selfish experience. I’ve never had that in an art class before. I have to take my art classes with people I don’t know…friends make the anxiety for me that much worse. tried that once in the only other art class I’d previously taken–it always felt competitive, “What did you get on your quiz?” competitive. I dreaded being asked. At some point, the anxiety evolved into Stupid and I had to shut it down and stop trying so hard (emotionally, that is). The result within that subjective grading system we all lament? A perfect score on my portfolio. The only one in the class. I think Confidence won, that day–I was able to explain each of my photographs with a great deal of confidence. My confidence–not my artwork–had a perfect score, that day.

I want Confidence to come to all my parties, because ultimately, it’s being able to communicate that Thing that words alone don’t seem to manage, or that words don’t find without support from Other Places.